A Little Confirmation

It’s a commonly held belief in many religions that you can’t stray, you can’t explore other modalities, and you’re wrong if you do.

I was raised in a Christian household and my Mom is one of the most faith driven people I know. Because of this, I’ve adopted a lot of Christian beliefs and use many of them in my daily life.

However, I never consider myself all the way anything. I hate to be put in boxes and I really hate hard lines.

Therefore, I’m always open to explore.

Today, I explored the mystical world of Tarot.

Walking in, I felt my Mothers fear, as I often do.

I feel her fear almost all the time. Ever since we lost my brother, it’s an overarching theme in our lives.

Fear of that wretched phone call, the one that stops us in our tracks, and takes our breath away - our lives forever changed.

This energy, I realize now, is all over me at all times.

It was no different as I walked into the Tarot reading - scared that by indulging in this “forbidden” magic, I’d somehow be cursed forever.

I was pleasantly surprised by what I found.

Jezmina, a Roma fortune teller by birth, sitting in the back of your typical Tarot store.

Sitting in a small room, nestled between a hidden washer and dryer, across from a gifted fortune teller, I didn’t feel scared anymore.

I felt as if I was with an old friend, who only had love and wisdom to give.

During my reading, she explained to me that Tarot cards can give “auntie like” advice sometimes, which is exactly how it felt.

As she lovingly told me about that things the cards and she believed I should hold on to, let go of, or leave room for exploration - I felt a weight lift.

A weight I’ve felt overarching for quite some time. I was driven to this room because I felt that I could no longer trust my own judgement, because I felt it had been compromised greatly by my own feelings.

Abandonment. Fear. Unworthiness. Loss. Grief. Loneliness. Fear. Lust. Comfort. Joy. Sadness.

For the first time in months, it felt like I had the answer that I needed, although not the one I had secretly hoped for.

I say this to you now because sometimes what we need is a little confirmation from a person who doesn’t know you well enough to feed off any back history they might have of you.

So, my advice - don’t be scared. Go get your confirmation.

Because right now, it feels as though I can move forward knowing that my aunties and sweet Jezmina have confirmed my greatest fear - that I have been wrong about a situation I thought I was very, very right about.

Leaving, I am set free.

Thank you, Jezmina.

With Gratitude,

Kajelyn